Not that the title has much to do with this post really except that it (Depeche Mode’s new song) is the reason I am online at all tonight.
I hadn’t planned to be. No, the plan was to take a break tonight. I spend most of my work day staring at a screen and then, usually, I come home and spend several hours staring at it some more. I felt my poor little peepers needed a rest.
Because , you know, one evening’s rest is so going to stave off blindness.
Because really, I am going blind incrementally.
Of course if I keep those increments small enough then artificial sweetener will kill me long before I need a guide dog. That would be the upside. But the reality is that there is absolutely nothing I can do about those increments, no limiting their size let alone putting a stop to their insidious creeping.
I need to stop and take a breath here; I’m starting to feel a little on the hysterical side.
Allow me to take this moment then to tell you a story to distract us both.
Once upon a time there was a lovely, clever girl who had a nasty little secret. The secret was nasty because it made the girl feel stupid and ashamed and alone and she was too afraid to tell anyone about it. One day a very smart teacher figured out the girl’s secret. Being a good and caring teacher she called the girl’s mom right away and told her the girl’s secret.
The girl’s secret was this: she could not see the blackboard.
A visit to an eye doctor and a pair of pale blue (with pink stripes and spring loading) specs later and the girl declared that she could now see the stones along the side of the road.
And if by now you’ve figured out that the girl in the story is me then congratulations, now go build rockets.
For the longest time I couldn’t figure out how it was all the other kids coped when I really could not see what was going on. Forgive me the corniest of clichés here but that first pair of glasses really opened my eyes. I hadn’t even realised how much of the world I was missing out on simply because I couldn’t see that it was there.
So flash forward about twenty years to sometime around three o’clock this afternoon when I was squinting every which way at my computer screen, needing to take a break every few minutes to give all my face muscles a rest because there was that much effort going into typing up a set of Minutes.
So finally I caved, got the number and called the optometrist for an appointment on Saturday. I am way overdue for this appointment and have been putting it off practising the ‘ignorance is bliss’ life philosophy.
I have this deep rooted fear that the day will come when no optometrist can help me, no new glasses or contact lenses will be available to let me see the world around me. There will be nothing the optometrist can do except shrug his shoulders and say sorry.
The stones on the ground, they will disappear again. And now I will know that they are gone.
My fear may be irrational and unfounded. I am, after all, really just short-sighted. It runs in the family and as far as I know, none of them ever went blind (cancer got them first). I may have to make use of the ‘ctrl+’ key combination more often when reading my favourite blogs but I can still read my favourite blogs, probably for many years to come. But it’s these visits to the optometrist, when I always end up getting new lenses with stronger prescriptions, that remind me that my sight is slowly slipping away.
Yet another thing I need to deal with and get a handle on.
But I can end this post on a positive note. My hearings is still okay so even though DM have titled their new single ‘Wrong’ is sounds quite right to me.