I have to word this post carefully. For two reasons, namely:
He reads this blog now
I have a lot of thoughts and things running through my brain and I don’t know where to start or end with it all.
Right now he is out for the day to an event we were both supposed to go to. Except when I woke up this morning I had absolutely no desire to even change out of my pajamas, let alone leave the house and hang out with people I barely know.
After he left I did manage to get dressed and I made the bed. I did a load of washing, did the dishes and even emptied out the dustbin. Then I plonked myself in front of the laptop and have been there almost ever since. There have been a few breaks of the bathroom / chocolate / cross stitch variety but I’m back at the laptop. Probably the only thing that is going to get me out of the house is having to go to work tomorrow.
And of course I will drag myself out the house on Wednesday, a public holiday, to vote. Because unlike what the SABC would have you believe, voting is the right thing to do. Still don’t know who I am going to vote for though. Probably, I will make my mind up two seconds before I make my mark on my ballot.
And I made a big decision a few night ago, to get some help on the weighloss front. Specifically the chemical kind of help that just magics my appetite away. Only now that I have made the decision I seem to be having a hard time implementing it.
I’ve considered this route before and what dissuaded me was the real concern that a lot of the stuff out there is addictive and dangerous. Also, even if I just use it as directed, at that time I had so much weight to loose that I would have to stop using it long before I had reached my goal weight.
Which was going to be frustrating. And I would have learned nothing about anything when it came to food and my weight so I opted not to go that way.
Am only considering it now because I don’t have that much too lose (sadly this is changing day by day) and because I am desperate. Remember my whole BFF idea? Not working so well. It’s a lot easier to be all smug and superior when I am not stressed and emotional. I got an e-mail on Wednesday that made me so angry it gave me a headache before I was even done reading it. I’ve never had that happen to me before.
Clearly I am not dealing with the stress. At all.
It is bad.
And I am a little scared of the stress and myself and chocolate and chemicals.
But on a slightly positive note, I am enjoying the having the place to myself. A bit of alone time is good for me. And I’m missing him enough that I am looking forward to him coming home.