Her Dilatoriness

Folks at work keeping asking me how the packing is going. When I admit that I haven’t started yet they are shocked. TracyL not organised? Say it ain’t so. And it is a bit of a shock, even to me because I generally am an organised person and I loathe leaving things to the last minute.

I was thinking about this when I was getting ready for bed just now, wondering why I just can’t get myself into gear and packing already. I thought back to all other times I have moved house before, how I got things cleared out and packed with plenty of time to spare. Then it hit me, all those other times I could not wait to get the hell out of there.

The same should be true this time.

This place was only supposed to be temporary. When I moved in here I had no idea what my future held but with a 6 month lease it was certain to hold another move. Instead here I am 29 months later and 9 days away from moving into my house, the one I wanted more than anything and the empty boxes are, well, still empty.

When I was facing divorce and an uncertain future I was terrified that I would not be able to survive on my own. I remember, vividly, googling “living in my car” (and reading nearly every link) because I was convinced that there was just no way I would be able to pay rent, eat and have enough money to get myself to work and back (so I could earn money to pay rent and eat).

But I did it, I made it. I survived. And instead of the desperate struggle for survival that I thought it was going to be, I’ve actually come out ahead. From about May last year I’ve been debt free. I saved money, lots of it. And even after paying the lawyers fees and transfer duties for our house, I still have money in the bank.

(I don’t know how to write that last sentence so that it doesn’t sound like I am bragging. It is not my intention. Certainly there were many times when payday could not arrive fast enough and most days I was convinced that it would never get better. I eventually borrowed money from my parents to pay off my credit card, then had to pay my parents back. It took a long time to do that. Then it was saving like a person possessed, sacrificing the little nice-to-have’s in order to get the deposit and fees together for our house. Two and a half years ago, I did not think I could do any of this.)

It’s been here, in this little two bedroom place (that I took because I could afford the rent and it had an upstairs and downstairs which I thought was terribly larny) where I have really gained my independence, stood on my own two feet, set a goal and reached it finally and made me proud of me.

Understandable then that I am just a tad afraid (read shit scared) of moving away from this, my bastion of independence. We’re a team now, we’ve made a commitment to each other. Neither of us can do this independently. We need one another.

We get the keys on Sunday.

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